Why Disagreement Is Important In Relationships
After a while, he built walls of resentment. He complained about me to other women as if I had betrayed him because he just didn`t agree with him, and when everything came out, I was shocked. Of course, there could be no peaceful solution, because he was offended by every disagreement like a beard that was supposed to hurt him. Conflict in any meaningful relationship is inevitable. (Just ask my husband.) No two people treat life the same, and each of our unique stories is the result of a distinct combination of triggers, thought patterns, and emotional reactions. For one of these reasons, couples can sometimes (or often) have disagreements – which can quickly escalate into arguments. You see, I was there, really happy with the way we got along. Because we didn`t fight or even fight. We have expressed our disagreements. If they weren`t, then you wouldn`t experience conflict, because conflicts only arise when two people whose lives are interdependent have goals that conflict with each other.
For example, my husband and I share a car. This makes us extremely dependent on each other during transport, as we have to coordinate who is using the car and when. Often he wants to snowboard on weekends while I want to stay in town and go to a yoga class. Conflicts arise: Which goal or activity is more important? Can any of us get a spin from someone else? It`s a simple conflict that won`t tear our relationship apart, but you get the idea. We are interdependent, but our goals and what we do with our time are sometimes in conflict. The results support claims that negativity exacerbates the difficulties associated with chronic conflict and inhibits the positive consequences of modest conflict by creating conditions of mistrust and worry that oppose supportive relationships (Olson et al., 1983; Reiss, 1981). In these circumstances, parental detachment and the associated renegotiation of adolescent roles and responsibilities can be challenging, leading to a downward spiral of misalignment and conflict. We did not foresee the conclusion that high levels of conflict would be relatively more detrimental to higher quality relationships than to lower quality relationships, but it is not difficult to imagine problems ainging when expectations of interpersonal harmony are violated by frequent discord.
Without excessive negativity, conflict provides an important mechanism by which individuals in a relationship balance competing needs and facilitate individual growth and development by giving adolescents the opportunity to develop new positions and refine new skills (Cooper, 1988). In fact, conflict is an important means by which parents and youth renegotiate their roles and responsibilities (Smetana, 1988). However, the present study suggests that there are individual differences in this process that are not yet well understood. The Questionnaire on Interpersonal Conflicts (Laursen, 1993) analysed daily disagreements. From a list of 34 topics of conflict (from Prince, Foster, Kent, and O`Leary, 1979), participants were asked to determine the number of disagreements on each topic that occurred on the previous day of the week with mothers, fathers, and best friends. .